Some violent and also horny thoughts on supper, plus things I'm cooking now you might find useful
Supper makes me feel lots of big feelings, violent and sexual, and I'm sharing them behind the paywall so that I can be really honest. Let's also share some recipes which make life a bit easier, yeah?
Look, can we talk about supper? Because I know I’m all about the big feelings but supper is a big feeling. What to cook for supper, specifically, is a massive feeling which happens to me every single day, like a yawning tide relentlessly coming in and out, involving a wash of rage, frustration, boredom, disbelief, servitude and resentment.
I don’t hate cooking - I am actually quite good at it - and I’m greedy and I like food a lot, but I really, really hate thinking about supper and the way the need for it churns in and out, in and out, on and on and on and on. I’m always thinking about supper, and my guess is you probably are too. I write about the way life feels, which is usually stuff related to big things like creativity, grief, time, home, motherhood, sobriety and so on, but as I said, supper is also a big feeling, so I can’t ignore it any longer.
Also, when I posted my 50 things I learned at 50 piece, I included two small recipes, plus instructions for the absolutely perfect cup of tea, and lots of people have messaged me saying they liked this and it was helpful for them. So I have this idea that today I’ll share about what supper means and why it makes me feel so many emotions, and I’ll add some things I’m cooking, plus some things I’m using in my kitchen, which make life better. Then I want you to join in, and share what you cook regularly in the comments. I’m not talking fancy meals. I just want us to share basic things we can cook with our eyes shut, or snacks which make that point at 5.07pm easier to get through, but don’t involve large amounts of buttery toast and/or crisps, because, you know, regularcarbs+regularfat+midlife= massive weight gain. And I’m not talking about high labour meals involving a tonne of ingredients, like a modern take on a biryani, or a recipe for vegan meat loaf. Simple stuff, a few ingredients, which can be cooked in a matter of a few moments. I’m also going to get really, really honest about the way cooking supper makes me feel. Buckle up.
Trigger warning: the following piece of writing contains scenes of a graphic nature involving violence, sexual fantasy, polyamory, and self-harm.
Ok you ready? Let’s go.