On the deeps and colours of a life without alcohol
I’ve been sober for 932 days. How did I get here?
Last week I went to a beautiful dinner, with candles flickering between flowers dotted down a white tablecloth. There were delicious plates of food, and waiters who splashed wine into the big globes of sparkling glasses, but I didn’t drink any of it. I used to think drinking the wine made an evening more intense, but my relationship with alcohol has completely changed in the last three years. We talk about “giving up” alcohol, as if removing it from our lives is some kind of reduction in experience, but my experience of stopping drinking is one of expansion, because life as a non-drinker is bigger, brighter, bolder than I ever thought it could be.
As I write this, I’ve been sober for 932 days. By the time you’re reading this - tomorrow, or next month or maybe next year, who knows - that number will have changed, but I’m pretty certain I’ll still be sober, although I’d like a different word to describe that state.
“Sober” is as unappealing as the word “spouse.” They are flat, dull words, lacking in colour or vivacity. “Sober” doesn’t describe what sobriety feels like, just as “spouse” doesn’t communicate the raw and vibrant way commitment makes me feel, either. I don’t know what word could replace sober. “Alive” or “awake” get closer to describing how life without drink feels, but I don’t like these words either, as they suggest those who do drink are asleep or switched off, which I don’t think is true. I also want to make it clear I’m not making a moral judgment about anyone else’s relationship with drink. I have chosen not to do it, but I don’t judge you, at all, if you do.
There are many, many articles and books and podcast on sobriety, and if you want to read about the measurable health benefits, plus the pleasure of having better skin, or never, ever again having to battle that specific mounting gloom of a hangover, then you’re better reading an article in The Lancet or a conventional health magazine. I am, however, asked quite often, especially over on Instagram, why I stopped and how I did it, so I’m going to write about that here.